TACO IS 1! Well if we are being technical, he will be 14 months on the 26th. He can now walk which makes life very interesting. Even as I write this, I have had to stop him from climbing over the couch twice! He chills out now. I can turn the TV on, (preferably Mickey Mouse or Puppy Dog Pals), and he will sit and watch. He even laughs and claps at the tv.
He is smart. He is constantly exploring, getting into things and being told no. It is stressful but really amazing to see him figure out the world now that he’s mobile.
I am feeling much better about leaving him when I have to work. I no longer fear the worst when I’m gone. I know that my husband has a handle on things and everything is taken care of.
Speaking of my husband, it is so funny to see our very different parenting styles and how they have changed with him getting older. When Taco was little, my husband and I both handled Taco like he would break at any moment. We would set him down for a nap like we were setting down a bomb. As Taco got older I became rougher. Throwing him up in the air, spinning him around and letting him fall. My husband on the other hand, has turned into a helicopter. Taco is never far from his line of sight and will be the first to pick him up when he cries.
I think a lot of it has to do with being an older sibling and my husband being the youngest of 2 stepsisters. I saw my brother and sister grow up and saw how my parents took care of them. I learned that it is ok to fall down and pick yourself back up. That if Taco is crying it is not because he’s dying but more because he’s tired/frustrated/grumpy/not getting his way.
We compliment eachother though a make a hell of a team. My husband is phenomenal and I can’t even begin to tell you how sexy it is to see him take care of Taco. So weird, I never thought I would think that was sexy before. There is something about seeing your partner grow and learn along side you that just makes them a million times more attractive. Though with Tacos newfound energy, the constant upkeep of a home, the fact that my husband is constantly working makes,”sexy time”, more like, “Please let’s just cuddle and go to bed early”. We do still have time for romance, like parenting though, it has evolved into something different. Since Taco is more playful, it has made my husband and I play more. We are both learning to not take life so seriously. We try to see the world through Taco’s eyes which in turn has made our time together so much more fun.
I feel better. I am less afraid to take Taco out in the world. This is again having a lot to do with Taco’s outlook on life. He deserves to see the world and I deserve to show it to him. I’m not going to say my anxiety is gone, that will probably never be the case but I am so much better.
I am constantly trying to achieve balance. Whatever that may be. With Taco getting older and changing, I find my spirituality changing as well. The need to be more grounded is really important to me now. My husband and Taco will always be first in my life. I need to take care of them. If there are obstacles or people in our lives that no longer serve a positive space, then I don’t want it. Getting away from negative aspects in my life has been hard but I notice that I honestly did not have to do much. Just accepting the things I can’t change has been such an affirmation. It is extremely important now that Taco is paying attention, to show him right from wrong. This also includes relationships with people. No yelling. No bullshit.
Sure, there will be a time where Taco will see fighting. Nothing is perfect. But if I can keep it away from him, show him peaceful resolution then I think he will be ok.
I know I have neglected writing. There has been a lot less pondering and much more, jumping in head first and figuring it out later. With the new year though, I want to check it more. I want to look back on this one day and see how I was feeling. I never thought I would love being a mom as much as I do. I am so crazy in love with this kid it is incredible. I look forward to the continued documentation of life as a mom.