Baby Taco: 10 months, 3 weeks
So Taco and I were in Target. Now, I am very much used to at this point having people smile, try to talk to Taco and wave. I have a cute kid. I would be the same way if I saw a baby that cute. Well we are going up and down the aisles when I noticed an older man behind us. He was not smiling and not engaging with Taco. Just walking behind us. Every single aisle we went down, this man was there. He even got so close that when I stopped short he bumped into me. This happened for about 30 minutes. As I got closer to the check out I saw him go away. I told the worker what happened and she said she will keep an eye out.
I don’t know if it was a coincidence or what but it scared me. Having a baby makes you so hyper aware of what’s going on that you can’t help but always think of the worst possible situation. Obviously Taco and I are fine. We got in the car, made it home and he’s now watching Mickey on tv.
I can’t help but think though, what if. This kid is amazing. He’s wonderful and beautiful and everything a perfect baby is. I can’t picture my life without him.
I still have a problem taking him out. He’s almost a year old and the farthest I have gone is taking him on quick trips to places like Target. My husband would love to take him to Disney. I would love to take him to the beach or even on a 2 hour drive to see my sister. I would love to not worry. What’s the worst that would happen? He gets upset, cries, poops his pants? I hate seeing him sad. I still see this tiny NICU baby.
I need to get over it. I need to. I have to. Things like what just happened though makes me spiral into all sorts of panic attacks. I have been getting help with treating my anxiety but all the medication in the world would not make me stop worrying about Taco. Moms of the world, what do you do when you feel like this?