Baby Taco: 8 months, 1 week
I remember all the moms telling me when I was pregnant, “Just wait”. Wait for the sleepless nights, always being on edge, constantly checking the baby monitor. And they were right. It was hard. It was tiring. My husband and I setting am alarm every 3 hours. They say to do things in shifts but we would normally get up together making the delirium of no sleep even more interesting.
I remember one night in particular. Taco refused to sleep. I played all his favorite music, rocked him, sang to him, everything. He must have been less than a month old. My husband came out, took him from me and almost immediately Taco fell asleep. Then I cried. I was just so tired and so frustrated. My husband hugged me and said, “It won’t be like this for long”. That this moment of sleepless nights won’t last forever. He won’t be this small and we won’t always have to sing and rock him to sleep.
He is absolutely right. A couple of nights ago I found myself in Facebook scrolling through old pictures. I saw a very tiny, very frail Taco. He was so small and so thin. His eyes were not blue and his legs were still curled up in the fetal position.
Who is this baby I have now? This lively, crawling, screaming baby. No longer are the days of waking up at 3am. No longer are the days of sleeping all day. Taco is becoming so much more independent. This of course brings along a brand new set of challenges.
We have moved the Xbox. We have moved our cell phone chargers, loose articles, anything that’s plugged in. I tie my hair back, make sure my glasses are securely on my face. I have to wrestle him to get him dressed and change a diaper. I fill up less and less water in the tub because he will flip over. The air mattress has been officially retired because he was rolling off and laughing when I would gasp and catch him.
It gets harder, but it gets so much more beautiful. My husband comes home and Taco will either crawl or roll in the walker to him. When I go to Taco’s room in the morning, I am greeted by the biggest, gummyest, smile. He sees the cats and will smile and try to interact. He screams, growls and makes new noises everyday in an attempt to communicate. He cuddles now because he wants to, not because he has to. He sat up for the first time then other day and the look of pride on his face was incredible. It can’t even be described.
It won’t be like this forever. My husband was completly right. Sooner than later he will be walking, talking, going to school, gaining hobbies and friends. He won’t need to rely on my husband and I as much. I don’t know if it’s getting harder because we need to stay on our toes or if it is getting harder because these moments are so damn fleeting.
Maybe this is one of the reasons people have more than one baby. They miss that feeling of being someone’s whole world. They may be tired and crying at 3am, but they are 100% needed by this tiny human. But it all happens so fast and soon you are turning on the tv not because you want to watch but because your kid loves the alien on American Dad or all the singing and dancing on Glee.
I miss baby Taco. Of course he’s still a baby now but I miss the days of not leaving the couch. Where he would sink into me and my parents would yell at me to put him down. Those days are a distant memory. I tell my mom how weird it is that he’s becoming a person and she laughs and says, “Just wait, you will blink and he will be 28 with a family of his own”. Shit.