Baby Taco: 6 months
This weekend my husband was off for 3 days. During the weekend, I work so it was nice to wake up to him yesterday and have him home. Now, when it is just me and Taco, Taco is all about me. He smiles, babbles, laughs and cuddles. When I come home from work, he misses me so normally I am able to continue my streak of baby love and affection. Sure, Taco loves his dad but normally I am the person Taco wants.
However, yesterday I was put into second place. During his morning feed, I went and got him, changed him, gave him a million kisses and went to the couch where I could give him his bottle. All was well until my husband came to sit next to me. Taco could no longer focus on eating and kept turning his head to look at my husband. He was smiling and making noises to get his attention. I kept trying to feed him but it was not working. Taco wanted dad. So I pass him over to him and Taco became calm. Every time my husband would speak, even of it was not directed at him, Taco’s eyes would light up and he would smile. Even during his afternoon feed where I give him some baby food, he was not focused on me, he was much more interested in what daddy was doing.
After lunch we went to a friends house for a bbq. It would be Taco’s first time in a pool. He loved it though. Even with the water being cold, he never cried. I held him for most of the time so again I was feeling like the top dog.
It was not until we were done in the pool where yet again, my husband was the superstar and changes Taco out of his wet clothes, gave him a bath and took the sweetest nap on the couch. I know that when we go to my friends house, my husband is always like, “go play with your people, have fun, relax”, but I found myself getting jealous.
I love having my husband home. He’s my best friend, my favorite person. I honestly could not live without him. And I’m lucky too because he’s an amazing father. But damn was I sad that Taco would rather be with him than with me! I know I shouldn’t feel like this. I should be happy that Taco loves his dad. I mean, what’s there not to love? I fell in love with him so why shouldn’t Taco?
I think maybe I am going through this feeling of Taco can rely on others to take care of him. That it’s not just me anymore. My husband has become so much more comfortable with Taco and his confidence has made Taco want him just as much as me. No longer is my husband asking how many scoops for the formula or how to give him a bath, he just does it. He loves showing Taco video games and talking to him. My husband doesn’t get as nervous anymore. He’s got this.
I should feel now that this is my time. When my husband has him, I should go out, do things, hang out with my friends but my mind is always on Taco. My mind is also on my husband. I know it’s silly but when I leave Taco with him, I feel like I am leaving him with a burden. Like I’m handing off an important and tedious work document. But when I see them cuddle, and I see them smile, I know it’s not a burden at all. My husband loves his son. We didn’t make him so I could be the only one to take care of him. We made him because we both want to see him grow, to see him thrive and to see him become an amazing person. I’m still not ok with feeling second place but I love how much they love each other.