Baby Taco: 4 months, 3 weeks
As a new parent you are constantly learning. A new baby brings on many new feelings and all you want to do is protect the tiny human at all costs. No longer do you put yourself first, it is all about that kid and keeping him safe.
When I was pregnant I was even protective of my bump. Do not touch unless you ask. It’s simple. But I had a coworker who never took no as an answer and would constantly try to touch me. One time I even smacked her hand to make clear, DO NOT TOUCH ME. It’s respect. Just respect me and my wishes. Also, being so big, it feels a little weird having someone come up to your belly and rub it. For me it just made me feel even bigger. Like I was some waddling Buddha made for others amusement.
After he was born, he was sick. So honestly, I was not even allowed to hold him sometimes. Doctors had to keep a sterile environment and had to keep him healthy so I respected their wishes even though I so desperately wanted to hold him.
He’s going to be 5 months next week, (holy shit where has the time gone), and I find myself going into a new form of protection. Taco is at the stage now where he smiles at everyone and everything. He does not know the dangers of the world or of bad people.
Yesterday I went to the store and of course Taco recieved a lot of attention. He was looking around, making baby noises and overall, being the precious baby that he is. An old lady walked up to my cart and commented how wonderful he is and reached her hand out to touch his face. I grabbed the cart and pushed forward and said that we had a lot more shopping to do. She smiled and said ok. Never touching him.
Just ask. Don’t assume. I have people come over all the time and they always ask of they can pick him up and hold him. It’s never a problem. It’s just being polite.
We all want respect. We want to feel like we are doing the right thing. I want Taco to have a lot of people in his life that love and want to take care of him. I’m just in a hard place right now because there are people that I don’t trust and don’t like wanting to be there.
It’s hard. On the one hand, I want everyone to be happy. I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. At the same time though, this one person in particular has caused so much hurt and so much anger that the bridge is burned. I honestly don’t think she even likes me. She just wants to be part of the family.
There is so much more I want to say on the matter but I just can’t right now. I can only speak on my feelings and all I can say is that I don’t like this person. She does not ask is continuing to push me. I have never had such a sense of protection. Maybe it’s the mom hormones now but I don’t want her near my people, especially Taco.
When I was pregnant I promosed him that he would be brought into a world with love. No yelling, no fighting, no stress. I feel like with this person around I am failing him. Taco can sense my uneasiness. He hears me on the phone. He may not know what I’m saying but I worry that my tone may scare him. It’s hard. I want everyone to be happy.