Hey tiny turd. I want to first tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I have been crying so much. There are so many emotions going on right now. Your dad and I are trying to figure out money and what we can do to give you your best life. I think I’m going back to work. It is really scary for me. I don’t want to leave you. Your dad is great, so he will watch you. But know that I’m doing this for you. Everything your dad and I do now is for you.
Being pregnant and giving birth was easy. You and I spent every moment together for those 8 months. Since you have been home, we have only been a part a couple hours so I could go out, play with your Uncle Abby and have some one on one time with your dad. I’m not used to being away from you. This will have to be something I get used to. Eventually you will want to leave me but I am so loving how perfectly you fit sleeping on my chest.
I cry a lot in front of you. When we watch our tv shows, when you reach a new milestone, when you cry. Bringing you into our lives has made things more emotional. Your dad and I love you more than anything in the whole world. I promise that when you get older I won’t cry as much in front of you.
I want you to look at this:
This is you. When you were born things were so hard. You had trouble breathing and trouble eating. You had a brain bleed. We had no idea if you were going to make it. A couple days later though, you pulled out your cannula and feeding tube out to let the doctors know that you were feeling better.
I want you to know that I am proud of you. Since that picture was taken you have amazed us. You are growing like crazy, you have started to babble and you can almost roll over. I see how you take in the world and how awestruck you are when you see a new place. I wish I could still look at a Target with such wonder.
While I can admit my jealously, I love the way you are with your dad. When he comes home and your eyes stay fixated on him it’s beautiful. I hope you always look at your dad this way. Other than your grandpa, he is my hero. Your dad takes such good care of us and when you get older will tell you such funny jokes and will go on so many adventures with us. He’s a great guy Taco and you have a really good man to look up to.
When your dad and I decided to have you, people would always say, “oh we want kids but we want to travel first, go to school first, ect”. Well so do we but we want to share it with you. We want you to see the world. We didn’t want to live a life before you and then be done, we want to live a life with you.
Taco, there will be many more tears shed. You will tell me you love me, tell me you hate me, tell me your secrets and your fears. I promise to be with you every step of the way. I’m not a religious person but being with you has made me see god. You’re a real life angel.
Keep growing, keep smiling and never stop learning and seeing the beauty in the world. We love you.